Election 2020

As I type these words it’s a little before 8pm here in California on Election Day. It’s early, but I have the sense things aren’t going so well. I’m trying to avoid watching the news in real time. I’ve never been good at watching something, even as innocuous as a sports game, where something I really care about is on the line. Maybe that why I never became a sports fan. I guess I’m envious of people that can see politics as exciting as a sport, rather than seeing our society’s future on the line. If things are going to hell in a handbasket, I’d like a few more hours to not know that. I truly hope that tomorrow will bring good news. My daughter was asking why I can’t watch the coverage, and I don’t have a good answer. The uncertainty and fear make me feel sick. It’s like seeing the bad news trickle in is a form of torture. I let myself feel some optimism about this election in the past few weeks, but I (and millions of others) were too optimistic. Somewhere along the line I must have been hurt by disappointment. Most of my life I haven’t let myself feel too optimistic about anything. Thought is it’s better to be pleasantly surprised rather than crushed.

I don’t know what I’ll do if things turn out bad. Not much else but to try and put on a brave face for my kids, and keep moving forward. Nothing lasts forever.